photo credits: hedi slimane
Just found out today what enigma means. And I am an enigma. Been reading IntenselyScorpio tweets recently cos they are such a close representation of what I really feel inside, except the ones about power and sex hungry and wealth and seduction. I don't really feel I have those yet. But I find myself screaming inside or cheering silently to myself when some tweets exactly describe the kind of person that I am or at least I think I am.
To be truthful, I've been struggling to find my identity since like secondary school? Obviously during primary school I was too busy playing hopscotch and ice and water, not much time to think about these. But yup I was struggling to find out just what kind of person I am or is there a definite character trait I can use to describe myself. Cos some people think I'm really quiet, while others think I'm crazy (in the fun sense), and sometimes I'm like really moody. I think I can get along well with anybody but I am really quiet and shy in front of strangers. I'm not exactly sociable but I can get along well with others. So am I a schizophrenic or what???
My friends have used calm to describe me and that wasn't the first time I've heard it already. The first time was in jc, when I asked my teacher to write me a recommendation letter and he mentioned that I'm good because I'm calm. Is calm referring to my facial expression? Or body language? Or words I use? Cos it just sounds damn bizarre to me. Until now I still don't understand so whenever people say I'm calm I just take it as a compliment. I mean how many people can be described as calm? Its like I've learnt Qi Gong or something.
Whats worse, many people have said I'm weird. I actually like that cos I like weird stuffs and weird people, but that doesn't make me weird right? or does it? I have no problems with being weird, I just don't understand calm. Cos when something bad/gigantic/traumatizing/astonishing happens, I would still fluster and feel like shit. yelpp help
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